​3 Quick steps to squash an argument

1) Validate the other person’s feelings.
In the heat of an argument it may be difficult to validate the opposing side. However, if your goal is to change someone’s mind about a situation you will likely feel disappointed. The truth is people don’t have the ability to change other people’s minds. If a perspective is shifted its because that person made a choice to shift their own perspective. When we learn to find truth in what people are saying to us and accept their feelings as they are what we find is a person who is disarmed and less defensive. During an argument, if the goal is to stop arguing, using a disarming technique is essential. Validating the other person’s feelings can sound something like:
“It’s true that you feel disrespected by my actions.”
“It makes sense why you would feel that way. I’m glad you told me.”
 
2) Use “I feel” statements.
Using “I feel” statements helps the other person understand that they are not personally responsible for your feelings. They feel less blame and are less defensive when listening to what you are saying. Read these two statements out loud

1. “You never think about me. You always pick your friends before me.”
2. “When your friends ask you to hang out I feel like I am forgotten.”

Do you hear a difference between option 1 and option 2? Which option is most likely to trigger a defensive response and which option is most likely to invite a productive conversation?
 
3) Offer an honest compliment.
​This is one of my favorite disarming technique because it usually shocks the other person into silence. Think about your response the last time you received an honest compliment. Did you start yelling nasty things or did you take a second and appreciate it? Sometimes a second is all we need to realize how silly we are behaving. Try it the next time you find yourself in an argument and tell me how it went. Leave your comments below!