when you wait for what you want you’ll find yourself missing out. Things don’t tend to just happen to you. You have to be proactive and action forward to reach the goals you set for yourself. If talking to a crush and asking them on a date is the goal, sitting around waiting and wishing won’t get you any closer to that goal. You have to roll up your sleeves and take a chance. Can’t win the game if you never play, right? Here are three reasons why asking your crush out on a date first is the better choice.
1) Being assertive is attractive.
There was a study published by Cosmopolitan showing that 95% of men were more attracted to women who initiated the first date. Going after something you want is a quality most people admire. Who wouldn’t want to date someone who’s a go getter?
2)What’s the worst that could happen?
If the worst case scenario is they’ll say “no” take a moment and think about what happens AFTER that. Do you melt into a fleshy puddle? Do all the strangers around you turn towards you, point their finger, and laugh? Do all your friends leave you because they don’t want to be friends with you now that they realize your crush doesn’t share the same feelings? It’s likely that none of the above scenarios would actually come true, although anything is possible, so why allow those intrusive thoughts to dictate possibilities? Jump in and take a chance, what’s the worst that could happen?
3) Practice makes perfect.Maybe you’ve heard this before, but I remember being told “dating is a numbers game.” The more you try the better you get. The more you ask, the more you fail, the more someone takes you up on your offer, the better you get.
1) Introduce yourself.
“Hey, how are you? I am (insert name here).”
It seems simple, but it’s the most common thing we forget to do when we are feeling anxious and we see someone we want to talk to, or we are standing in a social circle and don’t know anyone. Start with “hello, how are you? My name is (blank).” That will give you the opening line you need to invite a conversation and learn more about the other person/people.
2) Compliment something about the other person.
“I like your (blank). Where did you get it?”
The power of a compliment is illustrated by Mark Twain when he said, “I could live for two months on a good compliment.” Maybe you know this, but people generally appreciate a compliment and based on research, we know people are more prone to like a stranger if they were complimented by them. So, if you are in a social setting and want to come across as likeable throw a few compliments at the person you are talking to and see what happens. Try complimenting them on something they have or something they’ve done (watch, blouse, bag, hat, shoes, speech, food dish, etc.)
3) Enquire about the other person’s hobbies and interests.
“What’s your favorite way to spend your time?”
Take the time to learn what the other person is all about. Find out what motivates them, what their passions are, what their story is. Ask “what” and “how” questions rather than “when” and
“where.” Starting a question with “what brought you out tonight?” or “how did you hear about this party?” allows for more open ended conversation and for you to learn more about the other person.
1) Establish a bedtime routine.
A bedtime routine is a good way to get your mind and body prepared for rest. Think of it as an opportunity to wind down and start relaxing. One way to establish a bedtime routine is to get in bed at the same time every night. This way you start teaching your body when it’s time to start feeling tired. Before you know it, your body will start telling you its bedtime before you even realize what time it is. If it feels difficult the first couple of nights, it means you’re doing it right. Stick with it, it’ll get easier.
2) Turn off electronics.
Many people tell me that their screens help them fall asleep. They suggest their television, phone, or iPad help their eyes get tired so they fall asleep faster. However, contrary to common belief, science has proven this theory otherwise. Science discovered the blue LED lights behind the screen stimulate the brain, tricking it into believing its day time, so it’s actually more difficult for you to fall asleep and stay asleep. Turn your screens off 30 minutes before bed to make sure your brain isn’t activated.
3) Resist napping.
Napping during the day can set off your entire sleep schedule. The objective here is to be tired at the end of your day and napping can confuse your body.
*What to do if you feel tired during the day:
1) Validate the other person’s feelings.
In the heat of an argument it may be difficult to validate the opposing side. However, if your goal is to change someone’s mind about a situation you will likely feel disappointed. The truth is people don’t have the ability to change other people’s minds. If a perspective is shifted its because that person made a choice to shift their own perspective. When we learn to find truth in what people are saying to us and accept their feelings as they are what we find is a person who is disarmed and less defensive. During an argument, if the goal is to stop arguing, using a disarming technique is essential. Validating the other person’s feelings can sound something like:
“It’s true that you feel disrespected by my actions.”
“It makes sense why you would feel that way. I’m glad you told me.”
2) Use “I feel” statements.
Using “I feel” statements helps the other person understand that they are not personally responsible for your feelings. They feel less blame and are less defensive when listening to what you are saying. Read these two statements out loud
3) Offer an honest compliment.
This is one of my favorite disarming technique because it usually shocks the other person into silence. Think about your response the last time you received an honest compliment. Did you start yelling nasty things or did you take a second and appreciate it? Sometimes a second is all we need to realize how silly we are behaving. Try it the next time you find yourself in an argument and tell me how it went. Leave your comments below!
1) Failure is good. You may be thinking “that’s a ridiculous statement,” but there is no such thing as a mistake if it’s a lesson learned. How are we supposed to become great if we stop trying to become better at something? Maybe you know this, but Thomas Edison failed 1,000 times before successfully creating the lightbulb. When he was interviewed he was asked what it felt like to fail 1,000 times. He responded by explaining he didn’t see his attempts as failures, but as steps to help him achieve his goals. That is a perspective that allowed him to reach greatness. I see this dynamic between child and parent all the time. Child attempts an activity that is challenging like a sport or going to a social event. Child is not immediately reinforced with positive emotions, they may feel like they aren’t the best at it right away and they turn to mom or dad looking for reassurance. Mom or dad turn to the child and say “that’s ok. You are the best. Don’t worry about not succeeding at what you tried. We’ll try something different, something that will be more fun, something you’ll be good at.” What kind of message are these parents sending their children? It sounds to me that these parents are telling their kids:
"It’s not ok to fail."
"You must be good at whatever you try."
"You don’t have the strength or internal resources to tolerate discomfort."
"I will always fix whatever ails you."
* Are these the messages we want to send to our children?
2) Patients builds strength. A psychologist named, Walter Mischel, conducted an experiment at Stanford University demonstrating the benefits and longitudinal effects of delayed gratification. The experiment was called “kids marshmallow experiment.” The children were given a choice. They could have the one marshmallow on the table right now or wait 15 minutes and have a larger reward. What he found was that children who could wait longer were more likely to have better life outcomes, go further in their academic career, and have overall greater life measures. So the next time your child asks you for something and they yell and scream that they want it now, think about their life in the long term. Will the decision to give them what they want right away help them in the future or hinder their success?
3) Setting clear expectation reduces confusion. Setting clear expectations with your children does two things. First, it reduces the frequency of arguments and negotiation. When expectations are clear it is likely to hear less of, “you didn’t tell me” or “how was I supposed to know?” Secondly, it teaches your children boundaries. When you set expectations as parents you are establishing boundaries for yourself, your children, and your family system. You are teaching your children how to set boundaries by modeling it for them and helping them understand why boundaries are important. This in turn will provide them with the necessary skills to develop their own expectations and be able to implement healthy boundaries as they develop in life.